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Samantha Markle to Meghan Markle: You Should Be Less of a B-tch in 2019!

Sigh. We had hoped that Samantha Markle would be one of those unfortunate trends we would be able to leave behind in 2018, like that stupid “flossing” dance, or talk of building the Wall.

But alas Scammy Sammy is still clinging to relevancy in the new year.

Meghan and Samantha Markle Split Pics

As you’re probably aware, Samantha is Meghan Markle’s awful half-sister.

Meg’s story has been described as a fairytale, and unfortunately, it comes complete with bitter partial-sibling antagonists worthy of Cinderella.

Samantha and her brother Thomas Markle Jr. have made it their life’s work to humiliate Meghan and cash in on her fame.

Samantha Markle Twitter Pic

Thankfully, they’ve been largely unsuccessful and have really only succeeded in humiliating themselves.

Samantha’s most recent embarrassment was being deemed a “fixated person” and placed on a Scotland Yard watch list due to her worsening obsession with her half-sister.

Sane people would take that as an indication that it’s time to back off and dedicate your time to something other than becoming the world’s most infamous stalker.

Samantha Markle on TV

But as she’s demonstrated many times, Samantha is anything but sane.

Speaking to the UK’s Daily Star (London tabloids are the only ones who will give her the time of day at this point), Sam offered these thoughts about ways in which Meghan can improve herself in the year to come:

“Your New Year’s resolution should be to be honest and pay tribute to those who have helped you the most such as your dad,” Samantha said.

Meghan Markle Royally Waves

“Thank him for your college education, your career, building every stage you set foot on, but really appreciate the people that care about you.

“So many people around the world don’t have anyone who cares about them and hopefully you will count your blessings and reflect moving forward in the new year and pay that gratitude forward to your children so that they also thank you.” she continued.

“It all comes full circle… it started with dad, and you can carry on the legacy,” Sam prattled on.

Meghan Markle with a Big Smile

“And of course, I would add to eat more chocolate to sweeten your disposition for the new year.”

“Tiresome” doesn’t even begin to describe Sam’s ramblings at this point.

“You owe everything to your family!” is such a bitter less-successful sibling argument that it’s impossible to imagine she’s unaware of how pathetic she comes off here.

Samantha Markle

That said, “eat more chocolate” is a solid resolution we can definitely get behind.

Of course, when it comes to sweetening one’s disposition, Sam could very much benefit from following her own advice.

Just sayin’.